Say What You Mean and Mean What You Say: The Power of Listening
Nothing can have a bigger impact on home life with your kids than when they are good listeners! When you have that 10 am doctor appointment and your 3 year old refuses to get his shoes on, it can be a little frustrating as well as anxiety provoking. Keep this concept in mind at all times and you’ll teach your children that when you ask them to do something, you mean it and when you speak, it’s important, they need to listen.
Listening is not just important as a child, but this is a critical lifelong skill that will help them in every future relationship.
Listening is hard for little ones, they want to do what they want to do. They don’t understand or realize that you are on a schedule or have an appointment you have to be at on time. They have short attention spans and are usually pretty impatient. Right?
Say what you mean. Kids pick up instantly when you are saying something you don’t really mean, something you could not possibly follow through on so in reality, you’re teaching them in that moment that they don’t need to listen. Example: You’re in Hawaii on a vacation. You’re having the time of your life with your partner, 2 year old and 4 year old. As we all know, things don’t always go smoothly with little kids and one day the kids will not stop bickering. It’s finally gotten on your nerves, and you tell them, “If you don’t stop arguing, we’re going home!” But… Really? Are you going to pack it up and leave Hawaii after only 3 of your 10 days in heaven? Of course not. And guess what, they know it so in that frustrating moment, don’t threaten them with something unrealistic. It will fall on deaf ears.
Say what you mean, tell them they won’t get that ice cream cone after dinner you had promised if they continue or better yet, remind them that if they do get along nicely, they’ll get a special treat when you get to your destination. The positive based goals often feel better for everyone than the negative ones.
There is an even more effective way of handling situations when your child is behaving in a “negative” way, “acting out” to get attention. This is to distract and entice. In these situations, distracting them with another highly motivating activity or topic works great or enticing them into playing with another toy can work to diffuse a tense situation.
Mean what you say. The second part of the trick is to then follow through. It’s action time. If you threaten your kids that they’ll lose something if they don’t behave… then follow through and take it away. If you make empty threats, again your kids will quickly learn that they don’t need to listen to you because you don’t mean what you say.While having little ones in the house can create noise and anxiety and keep you on your toes at all times, looking back you are creating the sweetest, fondest memories you have of your kids that you will treasure for the rest of your life. The importance of being genuine, being impeccable with your word, is a concept to pass along to your kids that will last a lifetime. Stay present and enjoy every moment! You got this!
Shannon Kong, MS, CCC
CEO, Seven Bridges Therapy